trust [truhst]
noun
1.
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2.
confident expectation of something; hope.
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| - a journal entry form a few years ago - |
Trust
Such a small word with such a BIG meaning.
Trust is something that comes so hard to me, trusting my creations that is. I always do everything, take on everything, work hard and make things work, and then I start questioning myself, not trusting myself..........self-doubt kicks in, not trusting my initial decision. Trust that what I had decided to do or to make or to create is okay, is enough, is worthy. It seems a quest I am on each and every day. As an artist every day I start to paint means every day I battle the same trust issue, I need to trust my brushstrokes. I need to get into a meditative state and once in that zone, I do trust and this feels wonderful. Then once the work is finished, the trust is often no longer there, because I fear the comments. The funny thing is that in the case of trusting others {which can also be very hard -after being let down, surprised at unexpected moments by others I thought were trustworthy-} I learned to trust only myself and a selective few close to me. So yes I know how to trust myself as a person and I believe myself to be a very trustworthy person to others. Trusting my own creations is something I need to keep working on though. So writing this post is possibly very good for me to realize this and deal with it better. Referring to my first image I posted here, I do trust there are guardian Angels. Especially after having been right in the midst of the big quakes on 21/02/11 and through thousands of earthquakes and aftershocks in Christchurch (2010 / 2011) I feel more than ever I can trust those Angels, maybe that's also why I started making them ? {Angels at my table}
Such a small word with such a BIG meaning.
Trust is something that comes so hard to me, trusting my creations that is. I always do everything, take on everything, work hard and make things work, and then I start questioning myself, not trusting myself..........self-doubt kicks in, not trusting my initial decision. Trust that what I had decided to do or to make or to create is okay, is enough, is worthy. It seems a quest I am on each and every day. As an artist every day I start to paint means every day I battle the same trust issue, I need to trust my brushstrokes. I need to get into a meditative state and once in that zone, I do trust and this feels wonderful. Then once the work is finished, the trust is often no longer there, because I fear the comments. The funny thing is that in the case of trusting others {which can also be very hard -after being let down, surprised at unexpected moments by others I thought were trustworthy-} I learned to trust only myself and a selective few close to me. So yes I know how to trust myself as a person and I believe myself to be a very trustworthy person to others. Trusting my own creations is something I need to keep working on though. So writing this post is possibly very good for me to realize this and deal with it better. Referring to my first image I posted here, I do trust there are guardian Angels. Especially after having been right in the midst of the big quakes on 21/02/11 and through thousands of earthquakes and aftershocks in Christchurch (2010 / 2011) I feel more than ever I can trust those Angels, maybe that's also why I started making them ? {Angels at my table}
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| Worship - detail |
☼
1 comment:
It is so hard to negate those voices that make us doubt ourselves, our abilities, our decisions....
I think that is why we need our art.....they are the answers that we sometimes can't voice....and the guides that we sometimes need to lead us in new, wonderful directions :)
I trust your honesty, integrity....and am so glad we are friends!
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